I have thought for years that I needed my intense inner dialogue - constant worry, low grade depression, anxiety - to maintain my creative edge. Or to paraphase Woody Allen - my angst is all Ive got, take that away and where would I be?And so Ive avoided doing much about it - convinced I could control, hide, my inner landscape from what I let the world see.
Im beginning to suspect it may instead be a tremendous waste of energy and something I can safely change and still keep my edge. Pulled and pushed by emotional reaction, lead around by my nose nearly my entire life by constant intense inner chatter that begins immediately upon awakening and may extend into my dreams - perhaps, just perhaps there is another way. So much energy spent attending to my inner construct and how to present it to the world - taking away from my time and energy for my family, friends. Worse - making me a cranky ass at times.
Im never going to be mellow but contrary to popular belief that is not necessarily in and of itself a fault - it's just who I am. But the overwhelming nature of such intensity can leave one self consumed, and exhausted and quite susceptible to acting the ass, or more precisely - reacting the ass.
Perhaps, just perhaps, there is another way.
Im beginning to suspect it may instead be a tremendous waste of energy and something I can safely change and still keep my edge. Pulled and pushed by emotional reaction, lead around by my nose nearly my entire life by constant intense inner chatter that begins immediately upon awakening and may extend into my dreams - perhaps, just perhaps there is another way. So much energy spent attending to my inner construct and how to present it to the world - taking away from my time and energy for my family, friends. Worse - making me a cranky ass at times.
Im never going to be mellow but contrary to popular belief that is not necessarily in and of itself a fault - it's just who I am. But the overwhelming nature of such intensity can leave one self consumed, and exhausted and quite susceptible to acting the ass, or more precisely - reacting the ass.
Perhaps, just perhaps, there is another way.
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